some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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