i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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