i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
