The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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