if you like me you must not know who I am
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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