dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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