he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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