we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
