We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
