party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
