He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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