Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
