so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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