You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
