Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
