she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
