You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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