so that wasnt chicken after all
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
