dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
