its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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