Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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