I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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