I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Even my vagina gasped.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
