After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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