my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
