I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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