This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
