How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just pee around me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
