take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
