Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
