alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
