Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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