I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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