I think i peed on brittanys purse
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
