Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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