normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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