I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i've created a new STD.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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