Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Randomize
