Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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