Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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