This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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