I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize