We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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