she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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