It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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