i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can I color on your dick again?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize