i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
