Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Boobs are out for the taking
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize