we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
