He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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