Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
