I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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