I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
