oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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