Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
