went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
