I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
