It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my poor anus
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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