Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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