he shaved USA in his pubs
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
