May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
