tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
