the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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