I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
