new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize